The summer of 2013 and my experience at the Boston Marathon bombing opened the door to an insatiable quest in learning and understanding the connection between the mind and body. Specifically how the experiences we have navigated reveal themselves through our physical being. What began as a desperate desire to “feel better” and “get my life back” turned into a curiosity that I continue to follow. After every doctor, specialist and clinic couldn’t find anything wrong and they pushed every symptom into a category of depression, I had to take my healing into my own hands. I knew there had to be more but had no idea where to begin. Even in the initial search for diagnosis there was no understanding that something outside of a broken body could be causing me to become so ill. The closest I had come to connecting anything outside the physical realm to pain was the occasional tension headache, heartbreak of grief or stress that would tighten my shoulders when I drove in rush hour traffic. I knew these things could be related but I know we don’t truly understand how intimate the connection the mind, spirit and body have.
You Are Not A Car
We so often see ourselves like a machine that needs fixed. It’s a common analogy. People are like cars. If the brakes are broken, you fix them. If you’re sick, you go to the doctor, get the diagnosis, receive the prescription and take the medication. It’s what we are taught and the first instinct when illness hits. It was the path I initially took when debilitating symptoms hit me. From emergency rooms to doctors offices and specialty clinics, I toured them all. I followed that mindset for over two years until I had exhausted all medical options and had nowhere else to turn.
While many of the symptoms held me captive (muscle cramping that would cause my body to seize, locked in place, seizures that hit while I was standing, and heart palpitations just to name a few) the insomnia was unbearable. The inability to sleep was so severe that at one point I was on 5 prescription sleep medications just to get to sleep. And then just a few short hours later, I would be back up, wide awake and anxious about everything. Yes, I had physical problems, yet nothing that was meant to address the physical symptoms helped. When you are at the end of your rope and driven in desperation to feel better, you will travel any open path and in the fall of 2016 as I started to follow my own unbeaten path, I stumbled upon the understanding that these physical expressions may just be emotions that had not been expressed.
Where to Put the Emotions – My Tiffany Box
Boston wasn’t the first trauma I had experienced. I had been through my fair share of ups and downs. Recessions, death of close loved ones including a stillborn daughter were all experiences that I thought I had navigated well through. I had emotions and expressed grief and anger. As time passed, I thought I had worked through each situation. What I didn’t know or see at the time was the depth to which the experience cut. I had felt emotions connected to these experiences for what seemed like the appropriate amount of time and then as we “must move on” took the extra and packed them away so as to not be a burden. Selena Gomez recently stated this brilliantly as she accepted an award. “I had everything and I was absolutely broken inside. And I kept it all together enough to where I wouldn’t let you down. But I kept it too much together to where I let myself down.”
I kept it together too and packaged my mess away into beautiful Tiffany boxes. Seriously if I was going to package anything up it was going to be in the most beautiful box I could think of. It had to be beautiful so I wasn’t tempted to open it back up. (Though one day when I actually get that Tiffany box you better believe I am ripping that damn thing open….gently)
Energy Has to Move
I didn’t know I was doing this. I wasn’t aware enough to understand that the process of grief or journeying through the trauma wasn’t complete. I just got tired of it and “moved on”. Unfortunately what happens with all that has been boxed up is that it tends to spill out, to shake like a caged animal and rattle the hell out of us. The energy has to move, it’s meant to be felt and released, it simply can’t be held captive. It will move through you in illness, physical expressions of aches and pain, disease and the all too familiar companionship of anxiety, just to name a few. It’s a moving consciousness that demands to be addressed, it longs for healing. . When truly addressed, the depths excavated and the energy released, the physical body will heal. Only through this understanding and practice were the chronic illnesses that I carried for so long overcome. The insomnia that plagued me was released overnight.
This is quantum healing. Quantum healing stems from the understanding that everything is energy and that, through the energy of the higher vibrations of consciousness, the body can be healed. The source must be found. As with any disease, we can treat the symptoms but until the source is found, the symptoms are all you will be chasing. The source must be and will be found through the practice of intention, excavating the trapped energy and addressing the energy from a higher consciousness. Yes, you can get a cold and recover, sprain an ankle and heal. However, unless you ask the questions around what is creating the illness or pain you will continue to get colds and the sprained ankle will turn into an injured shoulder or emergence of anxiety. The energy will simply move and express in another way, all in an effort to gain your attention. It’s like the nagging employee or spouse, it just keeps poking until you’ve had enough. So where does that leave you? At the precipice of your own potential journey. If you truly long to heal, to overcome and become the most abundant and vibrant version of yourself, then the path through curiosity is open to you. This is where healing occurs – navigating the maze of your own mind to once again come into balance mentally, emotionally and spiritually.